It Was His Hat
by Concentration Maple-ation
Summary: He was number one. TOTAL CRACKFIC. T for soggy bromance and language.


**A/N: This is a CRACK fic. And I mean it. I'm not sure if I'll be writing more. Maybe when I'm having writer's block for my other fics. *shrugs* Enjoy! Review!  
And also, this is what happens when I read a crack fic, watch Pewds play the Walking Dead and have an obsession for bully. I also mainly wrote this to make me laugh and feel better so I wasn't in so much pain. Thank you, crack fics.  
Reviews might bring some of your favorite characters back, and get rid of the ones you don't quite like.**

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Johnny Vincent was walkin' down the street one day all cool like, when  
he came upon someone lyin' on the ground. He didn't know who it was or  
why they were lyin' on the ground there, but he flipped the body over  
with his steel toed boot to see...

DUHN DUHN DUHN

Peanut Romano!

"Peanut man, what the hell are you doin' on the ground bro?" Johnny  
wailed at his best bud, but he noticed somethin'. Peanut didn't have a  
face! And he was bloody! And he was about to eat Johnny's leg!

"Look out!" some badass girl called and quickly ran over zambie Peanut  
with her purple motorcycle. Johnny's foot got ran over but it was  
steel toe so it didn't matter.

He soon recognized the girl as Lola!

"Hop on," Lola commanded sexily, motioning her boyfriend over with an  
outstretched arm and a sexy body wiggle.

"Okay," the greaser leader muttered and belly-flopped onto the  
motorcycle behind Lola. She sped off after Johnny held tightly to her  
waist.

Lola drove quickly down to the school, where the rest of their gang  
most likely was. Peanut apparently wasn't the only person without a  
face and chewing on other people, there was also Pete Kowalski, Melody  
Adams, Lance Jackson, Bo Jackson, Dan Wilson, Hal Esposito, Chad  
Morris, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Taylor Swift, and

DUHN DUHN DUHN

Gary Motherfucking Smith! Le gasp!

So anyways, Lola parked her sweet purple motorcycle outside of the  
school gates and dragged Johnny along towards the auto shop to rescue  
any other surviving greasers. Inside was Lucky De Luca, Lefty okay  
yeah blah blah everyone except Peanut, Hal, and Vance. Vance because  
zambie-ified Cornelius wanted to make out and shit and how could Vance  
say no to that sexy face?

So anyways, after they recruited the greasers they traveled in a group  
very quietly to the library. If they needed to run from the zambies  
then they could just throw the nerds at them.

The only nerds inside the library were dead and gathered in a group  
eating the librarian, so the greasers left to go to the mascot statue  
place with the rich kids and the football playas. So they all crept  
inside the Harrington house first, careful of Chad's zambie-ified dawg.

"I don't see why something like this should happen!" Gord screamed  
from the corner, broken cellphones around him as Norton Williams broke  
down the door with his trusty hamma of doom that he totally didn't  
steal from Thor.

"Johnny Vincent to the rescue!" Johnny Vincent announced with his  
hands on his hips and his chest puffed out. Derby instantly ran to him  
and leaped into the greaser king's arms. In slow motion, it would have  
looked so much cooler.

"Derby?!" Bif yelled from up the stairs, tumbling down them without a  
scratch. "I thought what we had was SPECIAL!"

As Bif continued to cry an ocean, Lucky De Luca was very much aware of  
a big problem. He didn't know how to swim.

Lucky struggled to breathe in Bif's salty tears, and Lefty swam over  
to help his dear friend. They were close since birth, their names  
being similar and heck they even dressed the same.

Lefty was too late. However, in his final moments, Lucky whispered  
something in his ear: "Lefty... I am your brother..."

Lefty looked to the sky and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOO" before Ricky had  
enough of all a the greasers' shit and threw him up the stairs. His  
lover Vance was already dead, and his own son had died because some  
stupid wannabe prep was crying over a goddamn Harrington!

"OKAY GUYS," Parker shouted from the ceiling, dropping down in a  
Batman costume. "Y'ALL NEED TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT. BIF STOP CRYING,  
DERBY GO BACK TO YOUR TRUE LOVER, GORD FIX YO CELLPHONES, AND LEFTY...  
SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Everyone was silent and a random drain in the floor sucked in all of  
Bif's tears almost immediately. Derby inched back over to his  
bodyguard and Gord began to piece together his cellphones again. Lefty  
and Ricky crawled over to the body of Lucky lying on the ground, pale  
and cold.

All of a sudden, Lucky jumped up and tried to, like, raep Lefty or  
something! It was totally creepy, cuz he was tryin' ta eat his face  
off and shit!

Norton stepped in with his trusty totally not Thor's hammer and bashed  
Lucky's head in. The zambie fell to the ground.

"You got blood on my carpets!" Derby screeched from his and Bif's  
corner after an intense staring contest in between them. "Get  
ooooouuuttttt!"

All of the greasers left the Harrington house. Parker was nowhere to  
be found.

So they went to the football field. Thankfully there were no jock  
zambies besides Dan and Bo, but they were working on eating Crabble-  
Pebble nose cleaner guy. Kirby was having a totally passionate  
bromance-like makeout with Trent in the corner while Casey was  
cradling Karen. Ted and Damon were having an epic thumb war while Juri  
beat up a zambie that looked kinda like Constantinos. Little did  
everyone know, Constantinos was actually Luis, who was actually Mandy,  
who was actually Dr. Watts, who was actually that one Duncan dude, who  
was actually Bryce, who was actually Taylor Swift!

In conclusion, Constantinos is Taylor Swift.

But that didn't matter because there was a giant helecopter that  
landed in the field. A whole bunch of nerds filed out of it and  
started pushing Chad's dawg and Ms. Phillips' cat into it.

Kirby never did see the nerds again.

Another ocean of tears was created when Casey couldn't save Karen from  
Trent's flirtatious tendencies. And Kirby made lava pour down from the  
heavens from sheer jealousy.

In the end, Trent came crawling back to Kirby once more.

Johnny's biggest problem, however, was keeping Lola from stealing  
Lefty's cheekbones. He knew that Lola loves Benedict Cumberbatch  
because of his cheekbones, and now she was trying to steal Lefty's!  
This was unacceptable.

Before he could act, a pedobear came out of the gym and started to  
attack Pedro de La Hoya and his trusty girlfriend, Kim Possible. More  
like K imPossible. Psschh, so much for living up to her name.

Kirby never did see the pedobear again.

All of a sudden, zambies began to drop down from the heavens! But they  
weren't just any zambies, they were all...

DUHN DUHN DUHN

Peanut Romano zambies!

"It'ssss Laaarrryyyy," the zambies groaned as they all limped towards  
the group of greasers. Norton's trusty not Thor hammer couldn't take  
them all out.

But then, just as the Peanut zambies were about to attack, they turned  
and stared creepily towards a group of boys that had that one look  
where you think you know them, but you don't know why. It was...

DUHN DUHN DUHN

One Direction!

"Haaaaarrryyyy," the Peanut zambies groaned as they neared the boy  
band. They then made passionate, zambie love. Johnny became jealous.  
No one was allowed to touch Liam like that. Liam was his favorite.

Kirby never did see Peanut Romano again.


End file.
